Life Moves On

Wow!!  I haven't written anything since before Genie passed away.  Well, let's just say "life got in the way." 

It has now been 50 days since mine and the kids' lifes were changed forever.  We move on.  School didn't stop.  The bills kept coming and I went back to work.  I sure wish I could have spent more time wasting away in self-pity, but that wouldn't accomplish anything.  That is not what SHE would have wanted.  So life moves on.

Last Monday I officially took back over my location of The Old Spaghetti Factory as General Manager.  I found that I am able to focus more on work now than I had in the last couple of years.  I no longer had to worry about how Genie was.  I do still worry about the kids, but they are fairly self-relient.  It feels good to have the reponsibility back on my shoulders.  I have found myself starting to evaluate everything I do with a little more sense of urgency.  As I have found out, you never know what might happen in life.

Most days have gone well for me emotionally.  I have listened to Genie's service at least 3 times in the car.  If you all didn't know, I was given an audio CD of the memorial.  I have found it quite refreshing at times.  I will still tear up, but it does seem to allow me healing.  To hear over and over Genie's effects on people's lives is just so rewarding to me.  The last week has, however, been very different.  I am not sure why.  I have been very sad and angry.  I think that maybe it is becoming "real".  Life is moving on and we, has a family are too.  As I sit in the house writing this, I wonder if we should stay in this house or move to start over, so to speak.  Part of me thinks we need the memories of Genie here, while the other part of me sometimes thinks that makes it harder to stay.  Only time will tell. 

Sometimes it is the little things that affect me more than others.  The kids and I went out to dinner a few weeks back and it was the first time since Genie died.  It became very apparent right away that Genie led most if not all of our converstations when we went out for meals.  After a bit of uncomfortable silence everything went fine.  When we went to dinner last week, all was normal except for where we went.  No offense to Jordan, but she is not keep us from going to a "seafood" type of restaurant.  Genie would have nixed the idea of Joe's Crab Shack, but she wasn't there so that is where we went.  We had such a good time laughing and enjoying each others company.  

I miss her so much.  I still say "goodnight" to her every night and invite her into my dreams.  Life will never be the same, but I know it has been made much better by her presence in it.  I love you Genie, today and forever!!!

John